Dad, I want to apologize. I have not been a good son. I have searched, in my pursuits, for personal gain. I have been focused on myself for so long. And in doing so, I forgot to love, or show love, to you. I have supported you in your pursuits, but not with the vigor and resolve that might have made our lives that much better.
I have been searching for gold, fools gold perhaps? I know you are gone now, but I think about you every day. I think about the time we cannot get back. The irretrievable nature of a forward moving clock. I think about the games we played, and the serious matters too. Oh, how I wish for times gone by.
Now, as I sit in my vessel, making my way to my new home, I am overwhelmed by the stricture of things. Why must the world exist so rigidly? I would gladly lay down and die to see you again. But why does this instinct to live, to see another day, exist so strongly within. I feel unworthy.
I am here now, almost to Mars Colony where I will attempt to make a new beginning. Start again, be strong, do what you can with what you have. Your words stick in my mind as best I can remember them.
I wish you could see through my eyes the red planet on the horizon, its dusty, crimson arc. If you were here now your smile would light the sky. Your jovial expressions always provided a beacon toward which to return. Without you, the guideposts have all shifted.
I like to think you’d be proud of me now, a grand adventurer successful in his travails. That’s all I ever wanted, was for you to see me successful, even if it looked like I’d squandered my time. You have always been on my mind.
And you are with me now too. I carry you in my heart, no matter where I go. Today is filled with sights I wish you could see. Not only my new home, but also your son pursuing his dreams safely and securely. I am the man you always wanted me to be. I hope in your quiet slumber you can somehow sense it, be aware of the things I know would make you happy.
I don’t mean to beleaguer the point. I am simply stating how I feel and the place I now find myself in. I am ok. I have some money and I will live a long and peaceful life, no matter what is thrown my way. I am learning to live, again.
The vessel touched down on the red planet, sending plumes of fine particulate into the thin atmosphere. I had willingly accepted this, the journey to a new place, a new home. Earth was dying and the last gasp of the human race saw new life on Mars. The colonies here, existing on a razor’s edge, had proven self-sustaining, if only just.
The incentives to take up new residence off-world were significant. Significant enough to line a taker’s pockets for life, if one could endure in this new place. Terraforming and climate control efforts were underway, but still early in their scope. To travel to Mars was a show of bravery and craziness all at the same time. For many of us, there would be no return to the blue marble in the sky. Placing a hand on the urn, I gathered my belongings and suited up.
You were an adventurer too, dad. In all your pursuits you imparted a sense of wonder. Whether you were going into the office or traveling across the once-brilliant globe, you taught us to be strong, to hold our heads high.
I recall now the many trips to Earth’s lakes and oceans you took me on to fish. Like an astute teacher, you knew the value in a well-crafted lesson. And as much as I didn’t want to go, at times, I thanked you for every moment we had even if you didn’t know. How different it will be on this ocean-less and lake-less planet. How best will I be able to rekindle such long lost activities in this new place?
I clutch your urn in my arm and proceed through the entry gate. The airlocks hiss as I enter the protected city. Somewhere, within this labyrinth of machinery and barracks, buildings and alleyways, I am set to find my place. I walk to the processing terminal and enter my credentials.
I know this isn’t how I imagined the unfolding of my life. I’ve made my share of mistakes, goodness knows. But I’m ok dad. I’m ok. Please don’t worry about me in your repose. I can feel the weight of our generations perched on my shoulders. I honor you now and forever. Please allow me to include you in my landscape. You, too, are part of me as I am now a part of this land.
Outside my small, appointed shanty the ground is soft and yielding. I push my spade into its surface, digging a shallow bed where time shall watch us in its never-ending traversal. Is this ok dad? Will this work for you? I wait for a signal until my heart is set and I know this will do.
I may not be the last in my family. Yes, I have siblings. Yes, I have a son of my own. But they are not here and this matter is between you and me, dad. I will forever be driven to try, to push through this challenge of a life. I will do so because even if there exists no such thing as right or wrong, I am called to live. You instilled in me the power and ability to achieve the unimaginable. Look at us now, together in this new place, still adventuring.
Thank you dad. Thank you for everything you have given me, and us, and still continue to provide. We never wanted and if we complained it was only because we could not see the sacrifice and love you carried with you to the table we all shared. You will forever be my hero. Let it be known from the depths of the stars to the shores of Earth, this new place, and back. Thank you dad. I love you.