I am the infinitesimal remainder of some long-forgotten and callous cosmic equation. I am small and ignored and negligible. I am what they call ‘statistically insignificant’ and yet, in all this universe’s cruelty, I exist. For what reason? I cannot say. On this far off rock, nestled somewhere between the tide and the shore, my unchanging existence carries on as it has for ages. Sunrise to sunset and sunrise again, the waves crash against my calcium carbonate shell while I lop along in search of food.
My single, muscular, slimy foot undulates, inching me forward in search of the next morsel I might dislodge from my liminal living space. It makes sense that I hunt for sustenance among the tidal wastes. Bottom-feeder, indeed I am the waste. From the misshapen ovaloid of my protective outer layer to the simplicity of my overall design I must be the afterthought of some lazy creator.
Yet still, I exist. This matter of fact has been on my nerve collar as of late. Why should I be granted time in this universe? Does my presence matter, at all? What a cruel joke to be given life only to know one’s purpose is inconsequential. Truly, should I be snuffed out today, what difference would it make? The other mollusks would simply fill in the tiny void left in my wake, ever cleaning the shoreline and fulfilling their unfortunate destinies.
Though if you were to ask any other mollusk, I don’t think they’d have presence of mind to care about their rote existences. To me it feels an even greater slight to be so aware of one’s circumstances. Not only should I live in such insignificance, but I am also keenly tuned into a sensitivity for such a thing. Even if I am an above-average mollusk, the fact remains I am still a mollusk.
The skies turn and time passes as quickly as it takes me to travel to better feeding grounds. I migrate with the thousands of other mindless invertebrates over the course of the day. It takes us some time. Finally we have made it to the other side of our rocky home where indeed more ocean detritus has collected in the many alcoves and cubby holes that comprise it. My compatriots are joyous as they wave the edges of their monopod-esque feet in the air. There is food enough for everyone in all its variety. But, I’m not very hungry.
Instead, I stray off toward where the water meets rock. It’s a long, slow journey that takes me up toward the light of day. Someplace I can think, I imagine. There must be more than the banality of this life, the day-in day-out monotony of simply trying to hold on and not be swept into the pull of the ocean’s abyss.
As I crest the ocean’s waves, perched on my rock, I look into the distance. The strangeness of land and all its green growth catches my gaze. It is not close, but not far either. If I could walk out of this ocean, like other creatures do, I would pass into the foliage beyond and into a new life. Alas, I cannot. My fate, as it always has been, is here in the water.
I’m not sure how long I have lived or have to live. Time escapes me and I glide somewhere undefined between birth and death. Perhaps it would be cruelest of all to know when my time has come, to know the exactitude of my demise. There is some mercy in the randomness of life, though not much. Although I wonder if the other mollusks think as I do, I know they do not. Perhaps I am not a mollusk?
Perhaps I am a bird, one of the flying creatures that make their way across the sky and, occasionally, plunge into the water to feed or bathe. I am carried on the wind to new places, cawing to my brethren as I go. It would make more sense that I have wings, a beak, and feathers than a single foot and shell. At least, in my mind.
Or perhaps I am a plant or flower. I greet the sun as I reach toward its light, blossoming every day in my own unique way. Visited by pollinating guests, my purpose is brilliant and clear. I am beautiful and desirable. More so than a mollusk.
Alas, I am the remainder of an antiquated and un-useful equation. The rules of this place are older than me, much older. I have no control over its variables or an awareness of its structure. Instead, these laws exist to govern all of us, all creatures. In this world and the next. It gives a framework which cannot be altered. Not at its core. The deeper we dig, the bigger the hole becomes.